Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Still dying that you shit outside
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
