I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
