My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
