I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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