Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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