Jerry, you need to find god
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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