Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
