Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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