at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
