I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
