How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
