cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
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is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
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walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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