Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize