So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
