btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
