worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
