guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
