The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
