My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
