DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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