dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I could fuck to npr.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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