If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do vagina's smell?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
