the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
