Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
