I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
