Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
