one might say we're banned from that church
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i drank out of a bidet.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
