I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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