Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
