Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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