How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
