I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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