normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
