god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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