there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
