Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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