I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
