If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
