it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
