He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
