I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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