even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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