Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
two words: eviction party
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
