Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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