what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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