The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
