We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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