As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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