If i come over, it means nothing
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
