she kept yelling 'call me bella'
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
