You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
