Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
