she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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