a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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