I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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