Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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