thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
