im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
