i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize