Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
