If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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