i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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