The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize