Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
