he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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