i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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