i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There r osticjed everywhere
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
