Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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