I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
