i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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