yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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