i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
