I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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