I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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