Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
