just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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