im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick