Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
