You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
