Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Farmville is her only friend.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
