what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
