Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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