so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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