I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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