my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She bit a glass in half.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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