Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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