Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
