who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
