ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
