White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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