Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
