apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
