what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
