I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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