Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize